After I became a Christian, I stumbled A LOT. I would masturbate at night and wake up feeling real guilty about it. I’d scrub myself with hot water in an attempt to clean up the guilt or wash away the sin… But I couldn’t.
I kept listening to the devil, condemning me, torturing me, making fun of me… I thought, maybe if I work so hard in the church I might find forgiveness. Or if I be good for an amount of time, God will overlook my sin…
But all that was a cat and mouse game. They were lies that Satan kept putting in my head to distract me, so I may not see the greater picture, a loving father waiting patiently for me, to embrace me, to satisfy me.
Then I read Ephesians 2:8-9,
For by Grace you have been saved through Faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the Gift of God, NOT OF WORKS lest anyone should boast.
And I cried. I cried because of all the lies I had bought. I cried for all the hurt I put myself through, trying to buy my own salvation, which I never could.
And then I was filled with Joy. Because I have a gift, given to me by my heavenly father, which is salvation through Christ. I never deserved it, but by His Grace, it was made available to me, so that I receive it by faith.
Now I am free to run into God’s presence, with boldness, asking for forgiveness and receiving it fully.
Don’t let the devil weigh you down anymore, talk to God, don’t hide because He is always there with you, waiting.