I once was told, ‘ all women have a deep seated desire to be loved’. It seemed strange to me that, being a woman, I did not have the said desire!
My heart of stone just won’t allow it. But I was fooling myself, without even realizing it. I thought I did drugs for fun, had sex because everyone else was… But what was my drive?
Finding fulfilment? I can’t say. I wanted to hang out among the rich, popular, and powerful people. I wanted the label ‘cool’ , and for my friends then, cool was the number of men you’ve been with, the bottles of whisky you can drown in before you get wasted, the amount of weed you can smoke and the high you can get. Pointless, I know. But I wanted acceptance, I wanted popularity, I wanted love.
Long after, I got saved, I still struggled with the same kind of things, but only worse. I’m a single mom, a result of my past. It is hard to raise a kid alone, as a young woman, in a culture that no man wants to raise another’s mistake, especially if that child is a boy. Satan taunted and made fun of me for leaving the things I was familiar with, to hang on to a hope and a faith that I wasn’t still sure of.
Now, when I am tempted with the same, which I still am, I remember Ruth. She was a young moabite widow, with a high chance of finding another husband in Moab, a place she was very familiar with, but she still chose to go with Naomi, to her people, to a strange land with strange customs.
Naomi urged her to go back, but she still hang on, until her mother-in-law gave up.
This story encourages me A LOT!
Ruth, just like me, wanted more. She wanted a God that she can trust, a God that loves His people, A living God. I do too.
But what kept holding me down? I hadn’t fully grasped the extent of God’s love for me. I have recited John 3:16 in Sunday school, I have heard other people talk about this reckless love, but I hadn’t experienced it!
Until I read 1 John 3:16. I have NO words to literally explain how I felt as I read that whole chapter.
By this I know love, because He laid His life down for me…
1 John 3:16 ( personalized)
Whack! First it felt like a slap on my face, like, when your asleep and someone pours ice cold water on you. Then this nourishment like water on a thirsty throat. Wow!
I know He loves me, wretched, vile, faithless, hopeless, sinful creature, that He died for me.
Isn’t that mind blowing? Who loves like that?! None of the guys I’ve ever dated loved me like that!
I remember this one time my mom caught me out at night with a guy, ha! The guy ran so fast, you might have thought death was near😂. He didn’t have balls to face my mom, would he have died for me? I highly doubt.
But this pure, reckless love from a guy that I cheated on, hurt, and keep hurting, but still, He thinks of me! He follows me down in the mud, and washes me clean!
Oh, the overwhelming, never ending, reckless love of Christ!